Brsinger – Christopher Paolini

Delightful! Although I find rather disturbing the amount of parallels I continue to spy between the Inheritance cycle and the original Star Wars trilogy (at least plot wise)…especially during the recap of the first two books at the beginning.

Part the First:

Spoiler Alert! (place and hold your mouse over the bar to see)

Farm boy's boring life explosively interrupted by exciting worldly politics; Story about an ancient race of peacekeepers with magical powers that died out due to betrayal leading to the current oppressive regime; Farm boy's surrogate parent(s) killed and farm boy runs from danger with the town's storyteller; Storyteller reveals he is one of the surviving peacekeepers and begins to train farm boy in their ancient ways; Storyteller is killed by primary henchman of the evil leader; Cocksure stranger aids the farm boy in his quest to join the rebellion, but wants nothing to do with the rebellion himself; Farm boy and stranger rescue princess from primary henchman's headquarters; Farm boy and stranger escort princess to rebellion headquarters; Farm boy helps rebellion win against a massive army.


Part the Second:

Spoiler Alert! (place and hold your mouse over the bar to see)

Farm boy receives vision instructing him to travel a great distance to continue his training with the last surviving peacekeeper; Farm boy gets permission from the rebellion to continue his training and travels a great distance; Farm boy begins training; Great magic occurs, proving the importance of training to the farm boy; Farm boy leaves prematurely in order to aid his friends in a battle, promising to return; Battle is joined, but the empire has a new advantage/primary henchman: farm boy's blood relative!!!


Part the Third:

Spoiler Alert! (place and hold your mouse over the bar to see)

Farm boy helps his friend rescue a damsel in distress; Farm boy temporarily leaves the rebellion to finish his training and learns a great secret that will aid him in defeating the empire; Farm boy learns the truth about his lineage from a vision of the storyteller; Farm boy returns to battle and helps the rebellion triumph...but the empire is still in control.

There were a couple of points in the book were I actually jumped ahead by a couple of chapters to resume what *I* thought was a more interesting part of the story:  Roran’s military adventures.  The dwarven politics was probably the driest part of the book (albeit interesting…just a little dry) and some of Paolini’s cliffhanger choices seemed a little intolerable to me.  But it all worked out alright.

I am also very much a fan of Paolini’s skill at turning phrases…

“[Roran discussing Eragon's feelings for Arya] ‘Be honest.  You dote upon her words as if each one were a diamond, and your gaze lingers upon her as if you were starving and she a grand feast arrayed an inch beyond your reach’” (page 25).

“[Sloan the butcher cursing at Eragon] ‘You’re nothing but the yellow-bellied offspring of a canker-ridden bunter.  You’re a bastard you are, and an unlicked cub; a dung-splattered, tallow-faced rock-gnasher; a puking villain and a noxious toad;  the runy, mewling spawn of a greasy sow.  I wouldn’t give you my last crust if you were starving, or a drop of water if you were burning, or a beggar’s grave if you were dead.  You have pus for marrow and fungus for brains, and you’re a scug-backed cheek-biter!’” (page 90).

“Fadawar’s men were garbed in the same fashion, although less opulently.  The gold they wore served to proclaim not only their wealth but also the status and deeds of each individual and the skill of their tribe’s far-famed craftsmen. As either nomads or city dwellers, the dark-skinned peoples of Alagaësia had long been renowned for the quality of their jewelry, which at its best rivaled that of the dwarves” (page 98).  Is Paolini making some commentary on rappers and “bling” via allusion?

“‘As soon as our child is born, you will go to Aberon, not Dauth; it is less likely to be attacked.  And if Aberon becomes too dangerous, then you will go to the Beor Mountains and live with the dwarves.  And if Galbatorix strikes at the dwarves, then you will go to the elves in Du Weldenvarden.’  ‘And if Galbatorix attacks Du Weldenvarden, I will fly to the moon and raise our child among the spirits who inhabit the heavens.’  ‘And they will bow down to you and make you their queen, as you deserve’” (page 356).  Ah romance.

“…the prowess of a dragon and Rider is measure not only by how well they work together but also by how well they can function when apart.  We are both ature enough to operate independently of eath other, Eragon, however much we may dislike the prospect” (page 365).

“[Nar Garzhvog describes some of the Urgal traditions] ‘We take logs, and we carve them with faces of the animals of the mountains, and these we bury upright by our houses so they will frighten away the spirits of the wild.  Sometimes the poles almost seem to be alive.  When you walk into one of our villages, you can feel the eyes of all the carved animals watching you…By the doorway of each hut, we hang the namna.  It is a strip of cloth as wide as my outstretched hand.  The namna are brightly colored, and the patterns on them depict the history of the family that lives in that hut.  Only the oldest and most skilled weavers are allowed to add to a namna or to reweave one if it becomes damaged…During the months of winter, those who have mates work with them on their hearth rug.  It takes at least five years to finish such a rug, so by the time it is done, you know whether you have made a good choice of mate’” (page 391).  I am fascinated with Paolini’s design of the Urgals.  They are essentially traditional orcs in design, but their culture is far less bloodthirsty than traditional orcs.   Very Native American and *I* think very cool.

“[Roran taunts soldiers to bait his trap] ‘Ho there, you cowering carrion dogs!  See how only eleven of us bar your way.  Win past us, and you win your freedom.  Try your hand if you have the guts.  What?  You hesitate?  Where is your manhood, you deformed maggots, you bilious, swine-faced murderers?  Your fathers were dribbling half-wits who should have been drowned at birth!  Aye, and your mothers were poxy trollops and the consorts of Urgals! … Cowards you are, every last one of you, you verminous river rats!  If it will give you spine, then know this:  Roran Stronghammer is my name, and Eragon Shadeslayer is my cousin!  Kill me, and that foul king of yours will reward you with an earldom, or more.  But you will have to kill me with a blade; your crowssbows are no use against me.  Come now, you slugs; you leeches; you starving, white-bellied ticks!  Come and best me if you can!’” (page 518).

“It occurred to Eragon that althought he dwarves wer ethe shortest of the races, they built the biggest structures in Alagaësia, which seemed odd to him.  Perhaps, he thought, by making such enormous objects, they do not feel so small themselves. He almost mentioned his theory to Orik but at the last moment decided that it might offend him, so he held his tongue” (page 545).  BWAHA!

“A strange sense of unease troubled Eragon.  He had often longed to be treated as more of an adult, but nevertheless, he did not feel ready to take Oromis’s place.  It seemed wrong to even contemplate the notion.  For the first time, Eragon understood that he would eventually become part of the older generation, and that when he did, hee would have no mentor to rely upon for guidance” (page 692).

“…pouring cauldrons of boiling oil between the merlons of parapet…” (page 702).  Expanding my medieval dictionary!  Merlon (n) : any of the projections between the embrasures of a battlement.

Social Networks Sell Out, Comedy, Netflix Limitations and Star Wars Classic Moments

Selling out Social Networks «

Sailors in Vegetable Oil | Design You Trust – Design, Photography, Fashion, Advertising Magazine and Community.

Apparently Netflix has a queue limitation of 500 discs…I have hit that limit with films that I wish to see….sigh ;)

And I just chugged 8oz of wheat grass. My local Jamba Juice was trying to get rid of their wheat grass so instead of paying for 2 oz, they gave me 8 oz for free. And I chugged it. That’s right…I’m insane. *takes a bow*

One of the things I was able to “save” (via photography) from my water-soaked box of mementos was an old issue of Star Wars Insider with the Top 10 Classic Trilogy Moments.

The Top 10 Greatest Moments Of the Classic Trilogy 10:  The Crawl / Tantive IV Chase - Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope 9:  “We Have Spotted Imperial Walkers!”  - Star Wars: Episode V The Empire Strikes Back 8:  Luke Returns Home… For the Last Time - Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope 7:  Darth Vader Unmasked - Star Wars: Episode VI Return of the Jedi 6:  Luke Faces Vader On Dagobah - Star Wars: Episode V The Empire Strikes Back 5:  Yoda Makes X-wing Take Flight - Star Wars:  Episode V The Empire Strikes Back 4:  Destruction of the First Death Star - Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope 3:  Darth Vader Overthrows The Emperor (Literally) - Star Wars VI Return of the Jedi 2:  Han Solo’s Deep Freeze - Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back 1:

National Treasure: Book of Secrets

This was a decent film.  An enjoyable sequel that was at least as enjoyable as the original.  I want to say I enjoyed it more (in comparison to the original) than Be Cool (in comparison to Get Shorty) even though as I look at it they’re basically the same movie with different dialogue/situations.  Maybe I just enjoy the premise of National Treasure more than Get Shorty/Be Cool.  It’s a really fun adventure in the same vein as Indiana Jones with an American history twist.  You don’t need to see the first movie to really enjoy this movie, but it might make things a little easier for you to understand minor quirks in the script.  The opening sequence to the movie is awesome because they get the details of the Lincoln assassination perfect.  Any time history is treated respectfully/correctly, I love it!

Nicholas Cage looked really tan, like he had a really high widow’s peak and like he had Botoxed his forehead.  I didn’t like it very much….but I kind of looked past it because I enjoyed the movie so much.

Classic Star Wars moment when they’re driving away from the Library of Congress.  Security is raising the pneumatic bars to keep the car from escaping but they drive right through it and then security crashes into the pneumatic bars.
Close the blast doors, close the blast doors.  [Han Solo jumps through closing doors] Open the blast doors!  Open the blast doors!

Spoiler Alert! (place and hold your mouse over the bar to see)

The Gates family name is sullied by black market dealer Mitch Wilkinson (Ed Harris) who claims that Benjamin Gates' great grandfather, Patrick Gates, was the mastermind behind the Lincoln Assassination based on a missing, partially burned page of John Wilkes Booth's diary. Gates deciphers a partial encryption burned into the page from the other page which logically deduces to "Laboulaye Lady", referring to the mini Statue of Liberty in front of the Eiffel Tower. A riddle is inscribed on the torch (much like the riddle from the meerschaum pipe in the first movie) that points to the Resolute desks in Buckingham Palace and the White House. Using the date of the inscription as a combination, they unlock a secret chamber in the Buckingham desk that contains a very ancient piece of wood with Native American symbols on it. They go to Ben's mother, who translates it for them, but it's only a partial translation, leading them to believe that the rest of the inscription is hidden in the other Resolute desk in the Oval Office. So they break into the White House and open up the desk's secret compartment. But the plank is not there...just an indentation where the plank should be. Gates talks to Sadusky about the President's "secret book". Sadusky confirms the books existence, so Gates kidnaps the President and asks him where the book is, after releasing him of course (Gates doesn't know how to negotiate). So Gates goes to the Library of Congress, looks at the book and narrowly escapes the FBI. The page in the book talking about the plank mentions the Black Hills in North Dakota, so the treasure is near Mount Rushmore, but they still want the plank translated. They go back to Ben's mom, but Mitch beats them there and makes her lie to them, but they figure it all out anyways and find the treasure "near" Mount Rushmore.

Questions:
How did Sadusky know that Gates was at the Library of Congress?  He’s a mason and knows "more about the book than he let on".  How he explained it to the FBI is a different story altogether.  “They’re at the Library of Congress.  How do you know sir?  Um…a little birdie told me?”  Maybe the president told him that Gates was planning to go to the Library…

How does the FBI know that Gates is at Mount Rushmore?  Because Gates called them and told them.

There’s no lake on top of Mount Rushmore.  So obviously the island of stone in a sea of grass was actually the lake 20 miles northeast of Mount Rushmore (I really like to suspended disbelief).  I mean Mount Rushmore was only built to distort the features of the map so that the true location would be difficult to find….

* Corrected in the Blu-ray release with a deleted scene…

Gates:  You need that treasure.  Believe me.  I know.
Does this have anything to do with page 47?

The fake clue that Ben’s mom gives them (“Find where the moon touches the earth and release the hummingbird.”)  is never explained and I don’t know why…they explain (pretty much) everything else in the movies!?!
** Corrected in the Blu-ray release with the same deleted scene…with a schmaltzy intro by director Jon Turteltaub saying we just had to cut it…more like Disney made him…grrrr

And the age of classic Disney animated shorts is upon us again!  There’s a brand new Goofy cartoon before the movie!  And guess what!  On Goofy’s shelf is not only a picture of Mickey and Walt, but a picture of John Lasseter!  I’m so excited!  It was REALLY funny and made me really happy.

[random] Welcome To The New Year! [/random]

Saving Private Ryan
Sat down and watched it in it’s entirety for the first time in like 5 years and there are several people in the film that I now recognize which is very exciting!
Paul Giamatti – “I got ankles like an old f*cking lady”
Ted Danson – Captain Hamill (kills all the Germans when Paul Giamatti knocks the timber through their wall)
Nathan Fillion – The Fake Private Ryan (“My brothers are dead?!?! But they’re only in grammar school!”).
Colby from Numb3rs – 3rd from the 506

Family Guy Star Wars Rush Limbaugh Reference

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Quagmire/C3PO: Hey, mind if I turn on the radio?
Announcer: WTAT – Tattoine’s All Talk Radio.
Rush: My good friends, the liberal galactic media is at it again. They never stop! Now they’re trying to convince us that Hoth is melting! Well that’s crazy…just trying to scare us! And if that weren’t enough to get you mad…we now have news that Lando Calrissian has been made the chief administrator of the Bespin Mining facility. Gee, I wonder how he got THAT job. Well let me tell you how he got that job…affirmative action strikes again. The time is 8:50.

Jedi Vs. Sith Application on Facebook RULES!

You can play a trivia game to boost your Jedi/Sith knowledge stats. Some of the questions are really poorly written, but sometimes they just get downright haughty. And this one REALLY pisses me off.

A parsec is actually a measure of what?
Answers: distance. – relativistic adjustment. – time. – weight.

It has that nasty air of superiority that tries to highlight Lucas’ supposed gaff over the line “made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs”….there’s a cannon answer to why Han makes that claim.

“The [Millennium] Falcon is often connected to the Kessel Run, a pathway from Kessel past the Maw Black Hole Cluster used by smugglers to transport precious Glitterstim spice.[3] Solo in A New Hope brags that the Falcon made the Kessel Run in “less than twelve parsecs“, referring to his ability to move the ship closer to the Maw’s black holes and therefore cut the distance traveled.[3] On the A New Hope DVD audio commentary, Lucas comments that, in the Star Wars universe, traveling through hyperspace requires careful navigation to avoid stars, planets, asteroids, and other obstacles.[4]
Since no long-distance journey can be made in a straight line, the “fastest” ship is the one that can plot the “most direct course”, thereby traveling the least distance.[4] Solo’s twelve-parsec Kessel Run is depicted in Rebel Dawn by A. C. Crispin.[5]
In a Dark Horse Comics issue, “The Kessel Run,” the Kessel Run that Solo mentions is a scam that Lando uses to win money back from Solo after losing the Falcon to him. Lando and his friends trick Solo into thinking if he did the Kessel Run quickly, he would gain notoriety among smugglers. Ultimately, it is a scam and a kind of initiation for new smugglers.” (Wikipedia).

If we can’t accept this scriptural gaff from a fictional universe based on this, then we can’t move on as a society. Let’s get to it people!

Bill Handel 14th Extravaganza & A Salute To John Williams

Political correctness is a disease that has a stranglehold on this country. That’s why I go to see Bill Handel’s live show…it’s politically incorrect and hilarious. Where else can you watch James Brown sing “I Feel Dead”, Michael Vick sing “Dead Puppies” and Kim Jong Il Yung sing “How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?” Just like the manatees who write Family Guy, if one thing isn’t funny, nothing is funny.


A Salute to John Williams – featuring tons of movies you never heard of! Featuring the 501st Legion! Notice the incredibly tall Imperial Fighter. I admire these guys….

March from Superman
This piece reminded me of how disappointed I was with Sky Captain…that main theme was so reminiscent of Superman and yet the movie let me down so much….

Harry Potter
The Sorcerer’s Stone (actually The Face of Voldemort)
Harry’s Wondrous World

Sayuri’s Theme from Memoirs of a Geisha
featuring dancers from Wakahisa-Kai

Jim’s New Life from Empire of the Sun

If We Were in Love from Yes, Giorgio
The film was a bomb featuring Luciano Pavarotti. Williams didn’t write the entire score, just this beautiful piece for the ballooning scene. The conductor regaled us with a tale about how after the film came out, there was a cartoon where a suspicious looking man who was on a pay phone saying unless he gets a lot of money, he was going to release a bomb, and he was holding the film canister with Yes, Giorgio in it.

Far and Away Suite
A Ron Howard movie that I never heard about with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. The music really demonstrated Williams’ ability to adapt cultural identities into his works.

Star Wars [NOT LISTED IN PROGRAM]
Conductor announces that he can’t find the music and it’s REALLY hard to conduct this piece without the music. R2-D2 comes on stage with the music. Conductor asks him if there’s anything he’d like to say while he’s on stage. R2 beeps and the conductor interprets that as “Who are you going to vote for?” Then they play the main theme from Episode 4 – segueing into the rebel blockade runner theme and then segueing back to the end of the credits.

March from 1941

Excerpts from Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Happy Birthday (Variations)
That’s right….John Williams varied the Happy Birthday song. According to the program notes by Peter Laki, Williams “composed a set of dazzling orchestral variations…for three three of his famous musician friends: Yo-Yo Man, Seiji Ozawa and Itzhak Perlman” (the program). The conductor also told us the history of the birthday song (checks out with Wikipedia and I don’t feel like detailing, so click it ;) which was enjoyable.

Hook
The Face of Pan
Flight to Neverland

Jurassic Park
The conductor gave this large introduction to how enjoyable and wonderful Peter Pan is (also that they were playing The Face of Pan direct from John William’s personal library) and then tags on that they’ll also be playing the theme from Jurassic Park. What, there are dinosaurs in Neverland now?

Adventures on Earth from E.T., The Extra-Terrestrial

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark [NOT LISTED IN THE PROGRAM]
Firework show included.

All in all, a very enjoyable evening.

Japanese Crime Fighting, Shrek 26, and Notlob…I Mean Bolton

Jim Hill : DreamWorks plans on kicking its “Shrek” franchise into ogre-drive with next year’s “Shrek the Halls” holiday special
When are entertainment companies going to learn that being a one-trick pony isn’t good enough? Probably when Shrek 3 doesn’t succeed at the box office as much as Shrek 2 did. I mean come on…Broadway?!?! Forget it. I will listen to the soundtrack (Jeanine Tessori wrote Thoroughly Modern Millie!), but I most likely won’t see it.

The First Six Minutes Of TENACIOUS D: THE PICK OF DESTINY Is Online?!
Cool…viral marketing….

AICN’s debut of Pixar and Brad Bird’s RATATOUILLE One-Sheet!!!
I cannot wait for this movie…the trailer is hilarious and the plot looks delicious.

SPIDER-MAN 3 designs? Venom? Sandman? Green Goblin 2.0? – Yup, but now they’re gone!
Tis’ a shame…but if AICN likes it, it’s good enough for me…

New Spider-Man 3 Trailer to Debut on MTV!
Cool…but do I have to watch the real world? Or can I just tune in the last 5 minutes like I did for Star Wars 3? The OC sucks! ;)

Boing Boing: Giant list of palindromes
Something’s wonderfully wrong here…

Boing Boing: Orange balls to throw at bad people in Japan
Whimper….this is why I will never go to Japan…that and the fact I have no interest in learning Japanese…wait…i have to go to Tokyo Disney Seas….darn it!

Boing Boing: Melee on Russian TV talk show
A Jerry Springer-esque battle royal in Russian…give beeg cheer for subtitles, comrade!

Boing Boing: Internet acronyms illustrated by Goopymart
Now you can understand why being an “artard” is a bad thing very graphically….

Clerks 2

This is the greatest movie Kevin Smith has made since…the next one. Every time I watch one of his films, it really brings home a point I love to extol: director’s who write their own material create “good” movies. Now when I say good, I don’t necessarily mean movies that everyone loves, but films that tell a particular story or that make a particular point or a particular commentary about life. Also, every single one of his movies has touched me in some way…except for Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back…that movie was basically Kevin Smith’s love letter to his dedicated fans. As much as Kevin Smith likes to talk trash and say that he’s just writing dick and fart joke movies, he really does reach out to us. That’s why I’m a bit upset with one thing in his list of tributes at the end of the movie, “Jersey Girl: for taking it up the ass.” The movie was really good, but everybody didn’t like it because it wasn’t the kind of movie he’s been giving us all his career. And yeah, he says he only had one PG-13 movie in him, but I’d bet you he could make another one if he wanted to. He writes comic books that aren’t R-rated, so he’s perfectly capable of writing clean dialogue. I am an optimist and like to think that individual artists have more artistic integrity than “Hollywood”, which is why I decry the theory everyone espouses regarding Jersey Girl, that because it didn’t do well financially so he went back to doing the dick and fart joke movies.

I liked the little nod to Jason Mewes’ past drug addiction in Jay’s character: Jay is still a drug dealer, but he just got out of rehab and doesn’t need drugs because he found Jesus and has a copy of the bible. “It’s the Holy Bible, you fuck!” Jason Mewes had this huge battle with drug addiction that you can read all about on Kevin Smith’s blog, My Boring Ass Life.

I LOVE Kevin Smith’s cultural diatribes…I mean nothing can beat the Clerks discussion about the private contractors on the 2nd Death Star, but they come pretty close with their discussion on Star Wars versus Lord of the Rings and how much Transformers suck.

Elias is a hilarious character because he’s so very real…a lot of Christians struggle with people who badger them about the little things.

Was it just me (I think it was), or did Jay look like the Venus di Milo when he did the nude pose? Yes he has arms, but in the composition of the shot, the arms are hidden by Silent Bob’s jacket.